Sunday, 6 May 2012

Tomorrow is the day! ~ Steph

Tonight is our last night as a 5 person family.  Tomorrow night, we will have grown to a 6 person family.  We will be adding Li Lin.  In many ways, the adoption process is like a pregnancy.  You know about the arrival of the newest member of your family long before they come.  In pregnancy, there are lots and lots of appointments with doctors and ultrasound techs.  In the adoption process, there has been lots and lots of paperwork for 2 different governments and meetings with a social worker.  For the first child, many people take a pre-natal class, though there is no parenting course available (except through high school, where they figure that carrying a decorated 2kg bag of sugar around for a week will prepare you for what is to come!)  In adoption, in Ontario and many other jurisdictions, there is a mandatory 24 hour course.  To be honest, we weren’t sure the course would be much use and were not really looking forward to it.  However, we found it helpful and interesting (maybe it the course teacher we had, she was excellent!) and learned a lot about topics of grieving, attachment and bonding that were specifically relevant to us.

For me, the main way the adoption of a toddler is very different than the birth of a child are the great questions of “What if my daughter does not like me?  What if she doesn’t want me to hold her?”  I never had these questions at the birth of the first three.  They were tiny (ok, as Sara says, NOT so tiny) bundles of complete dependence.  While Sara took care of the feeding, I was involved in the bathing, diaper changing, rocking and comforting.  The little ones couldn’t NOT like me.  They couldn’t get away.  They couldn’t say no and push away my hugs and kisses.  They had no prior history, and we were there from day one, helping to establish who they were and their identity.

With Li Lin, she has prior history.  She has people that have cared for her, fed her, and comforted her for the first 3 years of her life.  She has established her personality.  She has an identity.  She has her likes and dislikes.  What will happen when I first open up my arms to her?  Is she likely to come running, snuggling up and enjoying the hugs?  Will she be comforted by the sound of my voice if I sing her a song?  Unlike an infant, she is able to say NO.  She is able to run in the opposite direction if she has no interest in me.  It will take time to develop that bond that so naturally takes place with an infant.

This is some of the apprehensions that I feel.  I know that with God’s help, and with time, and lots of loving, Li Lin will come to like me singing songs for her.  She will come running into my arms and ask for hugs.  She will laugh at my jokes (ok... maybe that’s going too far!)  She will be very much part of our family and one of the children that God has blessed us with.  She will fit in just fine.

But tomorrow is unknown.


  1. Continuing to pray for each of you!

    Just as the Lord has preparing you, I'm sure He has been preparing Li Lin as well in some measure. God's perfect plan for you to receive her into your family, is just as much His perfect plan for her to 'receive' you! Not saying His perfect plan is easy, of course, but wonderful to know that He gives "more grace".

    "Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (Hebrews 13:20-21)

    Love in Him,

  2. Ni how! This special moment in your lives takes me back to the arrival of each one of your children. Being present then has caught up with me and brought me back (nerves, figity, walking in circles, sleeplessness, etc.) to that moment. As I did then I put everything into HIS hands and ask HIM to give you all the ability to knowingly adjust to whatever presents itself at any given moment. As the comment above says: HE has given in order for YOU to recieve. Joy be to you all!!! The love that emanates through all of you will certainly touch and be felt by your new daughter and may she be wrapped up in its power. Many prayers and much love. Ropa

  3. So excited to see this precious girl, your daughter, in your arms. Praying the Lord has been preparing her heart and your hearts for this special moment. Attachment is a process, whether you notice it at the time or not, I believe when you look back, you get a glimpse of it and realize you went through a lot more than you even realized at that particular time... but time does heal. Grieving is 'normal', building trust is 'normal'.


  4. I can't imagine your excitementr right now, you will be soon eating breakfast and then off to get your precious long awaited Li Lin. Praying, praying praying!! I so look forward to that first picture of your family of six!! Xo
    Love Sheryl

  5. Here we go again. Joshua 3:4 comes to mind again. "... for you have not passed this way before." How comforting to know that He knows all things and paves the way. There might be ruts and even large pot holes... but He will be there, filling in the holes. I just love it Bum when you express yourself this way. I tend to want to think.... Nobody cannot love my Steph.... He is simply loveable... but I do hear you and i do pray for you. Love you all. Mom xoxoxox

  6. I am so excited you are finally meeting Li Lin!! I am thinking of you lots!!

  7. Last night of 5 people family! Li Lin will! The Lord will bless everyone of your family!

  8. All will be well.... rest in your Father's love.... He will make your love multiply, and Li Lin will receive it gladly....overflow with it and return it plentifully.
    How can she not?

    Exodus 23:20
    Phil. 1:6

    Praying for you all and following your journey with anticipation of good things....

    Tante Alice

  9. Great use of words here!May the Lord bless you on the rest of your trip.(By The Way,your hamster is fine.She is curious! She wants to come out to explore but my mom will not let me.)

  10. Just catching up on your week so far. So great to read all the news! Now I will be checking very regularly for updates--that is unless your hearts are just too full to be able to express yourselves! So exciting. Will pray for the hugs to flow...

    Much love,
    Aunt Deb

  11. So happy for you. Lots of prayers going up for a good first day with Li Lin. Mary